My last post a few weeks ago pronounced a grain of my reason for starting this blog, to tell my personal truth. I made a commitment to myself to say the truth as I see it. And, then I stopped posting.
What a laugh, huh? I tell you to expect honesty from me, and then I turn into a turtle with my head tucked ever-so-safely inside.
Here are some honest-to-goodness things that are going on with me lately.
I finished the second trimester with the MTSU Writer’s Loft. I plan to take the last course for my certificate in September. My mentor, Charlotte Rains Dixon, has been just awesome. I have close to two-hundred-and-fifty pages written of my first draft. I am amazed how much going to the Loft has helped me—a person who started out with writer’s block.
I still haven’t finished my first draft. But it is so close, I can envision the ending. Actually, the other night I saw the most magnificent sunset as I thought about my book’s last scene. I guess all sunsets are beautiful, but some are monumental. I haven’t seen one as incredible in twenty years with the orange, blue, and purple colors arranged in such a way I honestly felt I could hear it sing. The only one I can compare it to was when Alan and I lived in Decatur, AL. We were dating then and had gone for a walk on the shore of the Tennessee River. The sunset that night transported us to a serene magical place where tree stumps in the water were black against a maroon sky. I’ve always felt that particular sunset brought something unlimited to our relationship, like we walked through fairy dust. I hope the one I saw the other night will bring just as much good to my book.
I am treating my family with love, kindness, and hopefully healthy boundaries. There have always, always been conflicts in my mind around my love for my original family. One of the promises of Co-dependents Anonymous is “I learn that it is possible for me to mend—to become more loving, intimate, and supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way that is safe for me and respectful of them.” This is such a grace-of-God thing in my life.
Easter came late for me. At the first of this year, I was confused by how much my father’s suicide and the religious holiday of Jesus dying for my sins had blended. This past year I worked with a therapist when I realized the locked-box grief of his death was a major part of my writer’s block. The therapy work brought up another layer of grief. I made huge strides in breaking open the writer’s block, but confusion weaseled itself into my feelings about God, about my church life, and about Easter.
In one of my CoDA meetings, and in the above blog, I said that I wanted to give up Easter for Lent. A trusted friend really helped me with my feelings about Easter. She asked if I knew the meaning for Lent and for Easter, that Lent was a time of grief and that Easter became time of renewal. In my confusion, I tried to give up the perennial qualities of God, and hold on to the grief. I was thankful for the courage of my friend. I am thankful for my own courage to hear her.
There are still issues for me around my church life, but I am seeking guidance.
Much love,
Karen
I thought this was a great post. Can't wait for the movie!
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